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The structure of the article and the prose is not very good. It reads as if each sentence is its own paragraph and independent thought without flow. Combine 1 and 2 sentence paragraphs together, and from there fine tune the prose to make sure it flows well. (I did the lead as an example; the Celtic
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Many thanks for taking the time and trouble to do this and for being so thorough. There is clearly a lot of work that needs doing; I hope to address the main points you raise over the next few days, and then think about other ways of improving the article, fine-tuning etc. After that we can
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I've gone through the article up until the end of the playing career section. It needed a lot of work and probably could do with another once-over. I also understand now how spot-on
Wizardman's comments were. I'll try and get round to improving the rest of the article in the next few days.
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There seems to be overuse of adjective modifiers (i.e. "Dalglish's departure was extremely unpopular with the Celtic fans", "Rush thrived alongside
Dalglish"). They're okay to use a couple times in the article when they're directly sourced, but in this article they need to be toned down a
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Due to the above points, I'm going to fail this article as a GA. Once the above points are fixed, I would recommend sending it to a peer review to get everything fine tuned. The article should be GA ready once both those steps are undertaken.
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reconsider resubmitting it. Progress may be slow (especially when it comes to getting more KD images for WP), but on the other hand there is no real rush, I suppose:) I also think that the article still has great potential. Regards,
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Unfortunately, those above points signify a quick-fail, since basic issues didn't seem to be addressed before this was nominated. Here are some more points to fix as well after reading the article:
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244:"Dalglish was made Celtic captain in 1975–76. However, Stein was badly hurt in a car crash and missed most of the season" Not clear how these two connect.
220:"he was brought up in Milton in the north of Glasgow " on the north side of, rather? if writing it like that is normal in British English then nevermind.
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226:"Dalglish signed his provisional contract with Celtic in May 1967" linking Celtic here would be helpful, though it already is in the lead.
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238:"Dalglish scored his first competitive goal for Celtic, via the penalty spot" just saying via penalty would make it clearer.
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217:"Dalglish, the son of an engineer, grew up supporting Rangers" write as Rangers F.C., since it may throw people off as is.
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223:"also the same place where rival coach Sir Alex Ferguson was born" can probably be removed, doesn't tell us that much.
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258:"and was ever-present once again" so is ever present hyphenated or not? I stopped the prose review about here.
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There are many unsourced sections throughout the article. As a rule, each paragraph needs at least one source.
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241:"Dalglish moved to Liverpool for a British record £440,000 transfer fee" add an inflation template.
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There are many bare urls as refs; make sure titles, publishers, dates, accessdates, etc. are added.
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229:"as an apprentice joiner." link or note what a joiner is.
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Give the full name for Stein and link on first mention.
207:There are multiple deadlinks that need fixing: see
252:section in particular is where I have this issue.)
235:"Dalglish instead signed for Celtic" with Celtic
214:authors in refs should have last name then first
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255:"Dalglish was an ever present" ever present
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167:I'll review this article shortly.
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189:Here are the issues I found:
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