615:"Jochi also accompanied SÜBE’ETEI BA’TUR’s first campaign against the Qipchaqs (1218–19)", the dates from "Jochi campaigned with Cha’adai and Ögedei in southwest Inner Mongolia (November 1211) and in Hebei and Shanxi (autumn 1213)", and "Chinggis Khan assigned to Jochi KHORAZM and the steppes from the river Chu on west, intending them as a base for the conquest of the Qipchaqs" from Atwood 2004.
665:
included in the article the details that Jochi was assigned
Khwarazm and the river Chu's western steppes, even though we say Jochi preferred a less destructive approach during the siege of Gurganj, we don't say who eventually got control of the territories conquered. I believe this is the only detail left to be included.
129:. The disputed circumstances of his birth, his conflicts with his brothers, his growing independence and estrangement from his father, his early death... all have contributed to a murky image of the man. Hopefully, this article will bring some clarity. If successful, this nomination will be used in the
623:
Dunnell 2023 also confirms: "Discord among
Chaghadai, Jochi, and Ögödei prolonged the siege (it lasted at least five months), causing a high Mongol casualty rate. When Urgench finally fell in spring of 1221 after great slaughter, the survivors were driven out, divided up, and dispatched in the usual
664:
I had not seen that the Qangli are considered to be of
Kipchak origin. That makes the latter part of the following sentence included: "Chinggis Khan assigned to Jochi KHORAZM and the steppes from the river Chu on west, intending them as a base for the conquest of the Qipchaqs". But we haven't
334:
I am very much not familiar with the subject matter, so the review is more surface-level than I prefer my reviews to be, but this appears to be an excellent article. From a nonexpert look, the sourcing all appears to be reputable.
906:
1072:
Nice work overall, the above are small details and nothing essential. My main complaint is an occasional lack of specific dates and locations, but I understand many of these are likely unavailable.
1004:"while the two that did" – to my eyes, makes it sound like they also omitted the events, with the "while" being extranaeous. Maybe "that did include them..." Ignore this if it seems nonsensical
1024:
I'm assuming nothing is known between 1182 and 1203? If there is a source that says this, it would seem worth clarifying, so the reader doesn't think the article is just missing information
783:
Not really—you won't find any academics arguing passionately for or against
Genghis's paternity, and the whole matter is marked down under "we will never know". Back then however ...
796:
You've told us that the events are controversial and contradictory, but then provided one straight narrative. Whose narrative are we using, and why do we trust that one?
530:
Could we add images of the Siege of
Gurganj/Gurganj Fort, and the courses of the Irtysh and Angara rivers? I believe these will better illustrate their respective text.
836:"After the brawling brothers were pulled apart" you've gone from shouting one insult to breaking up a brawl with no intervening mention of the actual brawl occurring.
917:
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828:"requested him to decide" not sure the grammar works here. "asked him to" would work, or "requested that he decide", but I don't think you can use "requested him"
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602:#41: Source doesn't explicitly say "designed to buttress Ögedei's rule as khan of the empire", it just says "harmonization between the "standard narrative"".
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We did not, but it happened (or didn't, I suppose) following the siege, so it fits better afterwards I think. Rewritten anyway, let me know what you think.
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67:
As of 26 September 2024, 21:46 (UTC), this page is active and open for discussion. An FAC coordinator will be responsible for closing the nomination.
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1012:
Might be worth restating Jochi's birthplace in the 3rd para of "Birth and paternity". I'm not exactly sure where in the world we are at this point
881:
741:
951:
Probably will not get to this until the weekend, so if the coordinators see the nomination fit to promote before then, no need to wait for me. –
844:" Jochi's failure to give him his rightful share of the loot" did we establish earlier that Jochi did this? Feels like it comes out of nowhere
325:
Check the page range on Dafeng & Jianyi - the short citation is to p. 190 but this page is outside of the range given in the long citation
807:
Not entirely—there was also the question of whether Temüjin was important enough to propose that in the first place; included both in text.
191:
except the last, which I don't really know what's being asked for. The building itself wasn't ever copyrighted? Could you please explain?
142:
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1064:"Whichever narrative is preferred" — not sure about this phrasing, perhaps "Regardless of the narrative discrepancies". Not a huge deal
966:
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976:
In my mind, it's a bit odd to not include the birth date, c. 1182, in the actual article content. We wouldn't want to send readers
996:
Is there any geographical clarifier that could be used for the
Merkits? e.g. the northwestern Merkits (not sure where they were)
539:
I'll have to check for comprehensiveness, because I somehow feel something is missing in the article. I don't know what though.
1145:
17:
852:"One account states...this account" I know you've got the semi-colon, but you still have "account" twice in one sentence
624:
fashion. Jochi parted ways with his brothers and moved north into the steppes, ostensibly to subdue the
Qipchaq tribes."
582:
Thinking of doing spot checks for 10 refs, about 20% of total refs. Will try to get these done within this week. Cheers
1139:
799:
That is the accepted narrative, containing elements from both the SHM and Rashid al-Din. I have specified that in text.
632:
Also, we should list the probable Mongol casualties at
Gurganj to give context on why Genghis considered it a failure.
864:(which I've just made), which trims out a lot of the empty space and the random family to close in on the building
416:
492:"Upon the city's eventual fall": "after" instead of "upon"? Idk why but the latter seems grammatically incorrect.
425:
Is there any reason you can't fit it into the module? I've gotten the military infobox to work as a module for
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463:"reorder his new nation, dividing the nation": "it" instead of "the nation"? The latter is repetitive.
47:
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905:
Looking good to me, I'm a support. (As a side note, if you have any interest in commenting, I have
406:
1048:
Your
Genghis Khan article doesn't seem to refer to the title in quotes, like here: "Genghis Khan"
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Sorry, "in
Jamukha's camp" is all the sources (historical or modern) provide. Somewhere in the
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477:"triumphant return from battle": do we know which battle this was? Does the SHM reveal this?
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422:. If you have a way to fit the parameters of the latter into the former, much appreciated.
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983:
I think I removed that while editing and forgot to put it back in. Anyway, it's there now.
8:
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804:"this proposal was taken as insulting" I assume because of Mr Jochi's messy parentage?
522:"Ulytau Region, Kazakhstan, has...": rephrase to "Ulytau Region in Kazakhstan has..."?
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File:Khwarezmian_Empire_1190_-_1220_(AD).PNG needs a source for the data presented
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No, I think that's perfectly clear and the article lacked the clarity. Good spot.
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That's all I have. A nice tightly-written little article, great work as usual. ♠
618:
Added the dates for the Chinese campaigns. The other details are in the article.
55:
780:"were considered highly controversial" - were, past tense, as in not anymore?
533:
We don't have high-quality depictions of the siege. Added a map of the Irtysh.
1149:
1040:
Any dates for the marriages or births? Assuming not for the former, at least
353:
336:
286:
130:
988:"turbulent adolescence" is a bit vague—maybe "violent" or "warfare-ridden"?
436:
205:
It will be in the public domain due to age, but just needs a tag for that.
820:
insert here my usual complaint about breaking the left header with images
238:
1155:
125:
Jochi was, and remains, the most mysterious of the sons of Genghis Khan
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43:
788:
I think you can ditch both uses of "highly" in this sentence as well
646:
I don't believe I am aware of any estimates. Thanks for the comments
173:
File:Dzhuchi_khan_mausoleum.jpg needs a tag for the original work.
26:
317:
seems preferable given the uncertainty over the date of his death
400:
In the infobox, can we list the campaigns Jochi participated in?
392:"excluded from succession": prefix a "the" before "succession"?
313:
I don't think the 1227 deaths category is strictly appropriate,
163:
File:Batu_Khan_on_the_Throne_by_Rashid_al-Din.jpg needs a US tag
999:
You're correct!—northwest is probably the best estimate. Added.
302:
Religion of Tengrism seems only to be mentioned in the infobox
823:
insert my usual rejoinder that I don't mind it in moderation.
34:
27:
387:
I believe they mean the same thing; what's the improvement?
97:
460:"named Qutlugh Khatun...": "namely" instead of "named"?
219:
Can you please specify what type of tag is applicable
612:
On comprehensivess, why don't we have these details:
579:
All sources are from reliable publishers and authors.
384:"one of their number": "members" instead of number?
495:"take his time hunting": "spend" instead of "take"?
457:"badly contradictory": "highly" instead of "badly"?
1032:"After Toghrul's defeat"—do we know when this is?
1059:Added year; estimates for the month do not agree.
812:"He also began" think you can ditch "also" here
498:"greatly fond of": "very" instead of "greatly"?
599:#5, #51, #45, #38, #37, #32, #28, #21, #9: ok.
356:—any and all improvements are always helpful.
466:"in the expectation": "with" instead of "in"?
241:align with what is known about the building?
72:Featured article candidates/Jochi/archive1
1056:"After the city's eventual fall"... in ?
862:File:Dzhuchi khan mausoleum (cropped).jpg
558:from me on the general text then. Cheers
517:I don't think that's necessary, but done.
127:(I haven't got around to his sisters yet)
469:Link to Christopher Atwood in the body?
14:
867:Done, and thanks muchly for the crop.
18:Knowledge:Featured article candidates
839:It was a fairly short one, but done.
1051:It was supposed to; added it there.
23:
1157:could I nominate another article?
887:thanks very much for the comments
765:Technically I'm only a day out :P
24:
1193:
769:"However, during" - ditch however
511:Add spaces after 1225 and 1227?
1182:13:51, 23 September 2024 (UTC)
1167:12:24, 23 September 2024 (UTC)
1130:02:12, 26 September 2024 (UTC)
1106:23:39, 25 September 2024 (UTC)
1088:22:29, 25 September 2024 (UTC)
967:03:51, 24 September 2024 (UTC)
947:01:24, 20 September 2024 (UTC)
918:00:00, 23 September 2024 (UTC)
901:18:11, 22 September 2024 (UTC)
882:00:24, 19 September 2024 (UTC)
760:10:43, 15 September 2024 (UTC)
742:18:02, 10 September 2024 (UTC)
627:All of this is in the article.
449:15:36, 10 September 2024 (UTC)
13:
1:
711:16:26, 8 September 2024 (UTC)
693:15:40, 8 September 2024 (UTC)
675:16:44, 7 September 2024 (UTC)
660:12:41, 7 September 2024 (UTC)
642:09:49, 7 September 2024 (UTC)
592:17:37, 6 September 2024 (UTC)
568:16:35, 7 September 2024 (UTC)
549:17:37, 6 September 2024 (UTC)
366:11:19, 3 September 2024 (UTC)
347:00:47, 2 September 2024 (UTC)
297:23:00, 1 September 2024 (UTC)
265:11:19, 3 September 2024 (UTC)
251:00:16, 3 September 2024 (UTC)
233:15:16, 2 September 2024 (UTC)
215:00:20, 2 September 2024 (UTC)
201:23:20, 1 September 2024 (UTC)
183:17:12, 1 September 2024 (UTC)
143:15:29, 1 September 2024 (UTC)
119:15:29, 1 September 2024 (UTC)
1140:Request for the coordinators
772:"had begun to" - "began to"
733:Within the week hopefully. ♠
7:
10:
1198:
1067:I prefer your formulation.
907:another McQueen collection
485:"captured Otrar": link to
66:
510:Sources for 1227:" -: -->
352:Thanks for the comments
980:to the lead/infobox :)
697:The source review is a
417:Infobox military person
305:Removed as not fitting
285:I'll review this soon.
158:Don't use fixed px size
153:Suggest adding alt text
1027:You're in luck! Added.
605:Adjusted page numbers.
255:It does. Many thanks.
1159:~~ AirshipJungleman29
1098:~~ AirshipJungleman29
893:~~ AirshipJungleman29
752:~~ AirshipJungleman29
685:~~ AirshipJungleman29
652:~~ AirshipJungleman29
358:~~ AirshipJungleman29
315:Category:1220s deaths
257:~~ AirshipJungleman29
225:~~ AirshipJungleman29
193:~~ AirshipJungleman29
135:~~ AirshipJungleman29
111:~~ AirshipJungleman29
1110:Excellent. Happy to
650:; much appreciated.
1096:; responses above.
891:, responses above.
860:Suggest subbing in
223:? I'm a bit stuck.
1114:this nomination –
931:Will do shortly –
926:Support from Aza24
889:Premeditated Chaos
748:Premeditated Chaos
506:"Sources for 1225:
378:AirshipJungleman29
307:MOS:INFOBOXPURPOSE
1092:Thanks very much
487:Otrar Catastrophe
430:Infobox scientist
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831:Done the latter.
729:Support from PMC
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281:HF - support
148:Image review
124:
93:Citation bot
32:
328:Ah, a typo.
1043:Sadly not.
972:Comments:
791:Good call.
775:Done both.
703:Matarisvan
681:Matarisvan
667:Matarisvan
648:Matarisvan
634:Matarisvan
584:Matarisvan
560:Matarisvan
541:Matarisvan
480:Clarified.
372:Matarisvan
243:Nikkimaria
221:Nikkimaria
207:Nikkimaria
189:Nikkimaria
187:All fixed
175:Nikkimaria
1172:You may.
909:at FAC) ♠
501:All done.
472:All done.
395:Adjusted.
855:Removed.
354:Hog Farm
337:Hog Farm
320:Adjusted
287:Hog Farm
88:Analysis
1112:support
556:support
131:WikiCup
80:Toolbox
48:history
1124:(talk)
1082:(talk)
1035:We do.
961:(talk)
941:(talk)
915:(talk)
879:(talk)
739:(talk)
679:Added
237:Would
1119:Aza24
1094:Aza24
1077:Aza24
991:Done.
956:Aza24
936:Aza24
815:Done.
525:Done.
56:watch
52:links
35:Jochi
28:Jochi
16:<
1178:talk
1163:talk
1102:talk
978:back
897:talk
756:talk
707:talk
699:pass
689:talk
671:talk
656:talk
638:talk
588:talk
564:talk
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362:talk
342:Talk
292:Talk
261:talk
247:talk
239:this
229:talk
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139:talk
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